her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
