3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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