if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
How does one acquire holy water?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
