My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize