so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
