shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
