Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
