you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
