my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Randomize
