i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
