it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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