I'm going to jail i love you
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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