Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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