So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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