I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
