And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
