if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i love accidental penises.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
