So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
