i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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