thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
