WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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