I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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