Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
