I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
