I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
ttyl tear gas
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
