i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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