i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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