I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
