just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize