I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
