I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
