I think I won the penis lottery.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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