____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
