i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Randomize
