Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
