She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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