She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
