I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
