How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
