i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
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