You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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