im having a threesome with these popsicles
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
