evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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