then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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