the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
