someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
