Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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