4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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