McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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