This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
