he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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