I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
No subtext here. People are naked.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
