While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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