every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
