you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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