I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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