As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
