Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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