dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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