Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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