he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
