I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
